negative and positive thoughts

So, depressing thoughts first so I can end on a good note. I think I've expressed how I am not a fan of my supervisor at CPC. She can most assuredly be counted on to be rude; her gas tank of tact always blinking on empty. Recently, the branch has made some changes regarding another employee and where they think her most useful. I noticed last week when my supervisor called this particular woman into her office to discuss something behind closed doors. This usually means that individual is in trouble, or there is something about to happen. In this case it was the later. This employee was moved from one department to another, and without any prior notification to myself, I was told she would be taking over my desk and I hers. I had no immediate problem with this. My desk was smack dab in front of my supervisors and the hole she burned daily in the back of my head was throbbing for relief; however, I was never told exactly what I would be doing now that I was moved. The conversation and concern was directed solely at the employee who was changing departments. I was told I would possibly be taking over a different group of paperwork, and that was it. Today I was confused. I admit, part of it was my fault in not asking what my specific jobs were, but I felt jostled. I realized I missed the people I usually sat around and directed my questions to. I realized I didn't really know if this woman had taken over my responsibilities and I hers. It didn't seem as if she was doing the things I had done. Nothing was explained. So I assumed my regular tasks and asked around if anyone needed help with their things as I usually did. Later, I heard one of my fellow employees ask our supervisor if I was still helping with a certain department. Her reply,"You guys get comfortable with distributing the workload amongst yourselves and we'll use and abuse Sarah for the other stuff while she's here." And later, she walked right by my desk and said to the employee seated next to me," Feel free to ask Sarah to do whatever you'd like her to." Never once telling me directly that she would like me to help the other employees with their workload, which in fact I had been doing since the first day on my job. Come to think of it, she never told me what I should be doing from that first day. I got the jobs that eventually became routine by asking for them in the first place. I wish now that I had approached her to tell her she could speak to me and that I had ears. And I don't care if this seems over-exaggerated, she clearly does not do her job well if she cannot communicate with the employees she should be supervising. Now that my desk is further away and she cannot see every little thing that I do, today she walked by and around my desk more frequently than I'd ever seen her approach that particular side of the room. She is a micro-manager in every way except that she does not ASK. She merely makes me feel low and stupid by reprimanding and correcting after the fact, not explaining and understanding before. I do my job, and I do it as damn well as I'm capable, even if it does involve stuffing envelopes. I never remember feeling this much anger towards a person...She's entirely a troll.
Which brings me to a happier note. I am re-reading Harry Potter 6 at the moment. The movie that came out last year has been my favorite so far, and even in the first few pages I had forgotten how much they excluded from the movie. It's been fun to not remember certain things that happen and get excited about it all over again. I wish I could go to the amusement park and try some butterbeer...mmm. I imagine it tastes like butterscotch or something. (I just realized this paragraph could be read quite easily in a British accent. Even the words enclosed in parenthesis). haha
Josh and I have a pizza night a week. Or maybe two. But usually we don't have a set day to get a pizza. We just decide that we want it one day. Today happens to be that day! And the thrill of pizza night is still as amazing as it ever was. I also typed this as a status on facebook and decided there were too many ways to say I was excited for pizza...I ended up putting down maybe the fifth or so thought that came to my head. Why can't I just say what I mean? haha...

Sunday Thoughts

I just finished reading Cold Sassy Tree. This book was often mentioned as one to be read over the summer in high school or as a book of choice, and I finally got around to reading it. What a fantastically humorous and witty book. It reminded me so much of what it is to be southern. All the good and bad. And how life just...IS. And how people just ARE. Told from the perspective of an adolescent boy, it was pure and refreshing...I don't mean to write about books all the time, and this does sound like a review...but it's more about what the book made me feel. Quite plainly, it made me mad about southern pride. And how I feel it's changed one of my favorite people in the world. It made me sad about how people gossip and spread rumors that aren't true, and how people can be stuck in their ways and hate others just because of a simple offense or difference. It made me appreciate the truly good people in life. The people that aren't afraid to do what they feel is right. It made me feel that God is close and more real. Honestly, I felt like I understood Him more....Mostly, it made me miss family. And the bond that is just naturally there. It's been a little tough for me this summer to not be around them...last summer it seems like I was OK with being on my own, but this time I feel lost. And I shouldn't because I have Josh here...so it makes me angry at myself for that. I just want to be home....
This is a quote from Cold Sassy Tree that help put things in perspective for me today...
"Faith ain't no magic wand or money-back gar'ntee, either one. Hit's jest a way a-livin'. Hit means you don't worry th'ew the days. Hit means you go'n be holdin' on to God in good or bad times, and you accept whatever happens. Hit means you respect life like it is--like God made it--even when it ain't what you'd order from the wholesale house. Faith don't mean the Lord is go'n make lions lay down with lambs jest 'cause you ast him to, or make fire not burn. Some folks, when they pray to git well and don't even git better, they say God let'm down. But I say thet warn't even what Jesus was a-talkin' bout. When Jesus said ast and you'll git it, he was givin' a gar'ntee a-spiritual healin', not body healin'. He was sayin' thet if'n you get beat down--scairt to death you cain't do what you got to, or scairt you go'n die, or scairt folks won't like you--why, all you got to do is put yore hand in God's and He'll lift you up. I know it for a fact, Love. I can pray,'Lord, hep me not to be scairt,' and I don't know how, but it's like a eraser wipes the fears away. And I found out long time ago, when I look on what I got to stand as a dang hardship or a burden, it seems too heavy to carry. But when I look on the same dang thang as a challenge, why, standin' it or acceptin' it is like you done entered a contest. Hit even gits excitin', waitin' to see how everthang's go'n turn out....Jesus meant us to ast God to hep us stand the pain, not beg Him to take the pain away. We can ast for comfort and hope and patience and courage, and to be gracious when thangs ain't goin' our way, and we'll git what we ast for. They ain't no gar'ntee thet we ain't go'n have no troubles and ain't go'n die. But shore as frogs croak and cows bellow, God'll forgive us if'n we ast Him to." - Grandpa Blakeslee, Cold Sassy Tree.
I feel like it's so true that we expect God to just give and give and give...but there are times when it's not right for Him to give, and we need to suffer a little, but ask Him to help us get through whatever it is we're going through.
This is long already, but really quickly...My family (Mom, Dad, Rachel, and Hannah) went on a stake trek this past week. They got hit with a wind storm going 85 miles per hour and rain on top of it. There were ten buses that brought the 500+ people out to the trail, and not all could not come back the night this happened; everyone's things were wet, tents were blown down, and hardly anyone could sleep. Luckily, they were able to get three buses out so some people could sleep in them, and a visitor's center on the trail was able to house a few hundred of the trek members. My mom and dad's tent was reinforced, and they stayed out that night since there was not enough room in the other shelters. My mom said she imagined this is what it would be like before the Savior was going to come. She said that despite all the problems, it was a good time to ponder and read the scriptures since she and my dad couldn't sleep...A way to look at the good side of being able to come closer to God on a night like that.
Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about today...I know God will always help us be able to endure.

New Things : )

Josh went to Best Buy today to finally replace our finikicky (hahaha!! I was trying to type finicky and that is the result...I had to leave it up, it almost works). computer charger! The old one had wires sticking out of it (which we "resolved" with tape) and we had to put bottle caps or books under/on top/to the side of it to make it stay charging. It was also probably unsafe. So that was a wonderful thing to finally get. I can (and am) now typing with the laptop in my lap where it belongs instead of leaning over the coffee table afraid to move anything lest we lose the charge. : )
I also went shopping this week for slacks. I have owned maybe one or two pairs in all my life, and never knew what it felt like (or looked like) to have ones that fit properly! They are surprisingly much comfier than jeans. Yay for that : )
This morning on the way to work, the Mini Cooper received yet another rock-bullet to the windshield. It is probably made of paper. We now have five lovely-sized chips in the windshield. One that has spread in a matter of minutes, and will probably reach the other side by the end of the week without so much as a bump in the road to help it. So we are getting a new windshield, and told Clark to make it bullet proof.
I am currently reading a book called Hand of Isis. It's historical fiction about Cleopatra and her two half-sisters and the growth and struggles in Egypt at the time. It's incredibly interesting. The author states at the end that all of the technology and facts of Egypt are real. At the time, the Egyptians were in the process of creating a steam-powered jet engine called an aeliopile that they thought if they could make it powerful enough, they could fly to the moon! The author says that if the Dark Ages hadn't happened, we might have been flying to the moon a lot sooner. It just made me think about God's plan for the world. Maybe we weren't ready for such a big step in world development...
Anyway, to finish the random post now inappropriately titled, I was watching America's Funniest Home Videos and there was a clip of a hound dog hitting keys on the piano while howling at the top of his lungs....bahaha.

What character are you?

Today I thought about the office I work in and if they were all characters, what would they dress like every day? Like a Dilbert or Charlie Brown type character...What brought me to this question? Today I wore a plaid shirt. Plaid shirts remind me of my boss. He wears plaid shirts (with the occasional Hawaiian pattern thrown in there) and khaki pants every day. So today I said to Josh, "I look like Ron today." Ron's character would be the plaid and khaki guy. Then another girl always wears black. She would wear a black turtle neck and polyester pants....and so on. So I thought, if I were a character, what outfit would I have 15 duplicates of in my closet? I haven't really answered it...it's just something funny I thought about.

I've just realized something. This blog doesn't have to have exciting things logged into it every time I want to write something. The boring and mundane little things in life can be here too.
Josh's and my day today:
Woke up at 8 AM to get ready for the day. Took showers, ate a lovely breakfast courtesy of lovely shopping trip the previous night, and headed off to the Clark office.
9 AM - Arrive at Clark office. My day begins, Josh heads off to start his team meeting.
9 AM-12 PM - Answer phones and re-file the whole commercial accounts filing cabinet (this has been ongoing for this week). Josh is somewhere in the Vacaville area knocking on someone's door trying to sell them pest control.
12 PM - lunch (Josh is still selling....)
12:30 PM - (I know, short lunch) back to the filing and the phone answering and the paperwork. Josh is still selling...I think.
1:00 PM - Josh is definitely home, playing a video game or something. Lately he has been into soccer? So perhaps watching ESPN as well. who would have thought : ) (I'm still working)
3:00 PM - Josh picks me up at the back door of the Clark building and whisks me away to relax at home. We have an hour...
4:00 PM - Josh leaves again to work. I catch up on the shows I missed the night before and read my book. Finally got the last Shannon Hale Books of Bayern book. Turns out they aren't as popular in California libraries : ) Good thing for me.
8:00 PMish...Josh will come home along with 5 other guys. All tired from a hard day's work. They fill out paperwork and talk about the day - sometimes there are funny stories involved : ). My smiley face has a mole.
After they leave, we finally have a late late late dinner...then try to accomplish any errands we need to run.
bed time is at 11...we are both tired by then. PS, the bed is not a bed. But a rock in disguise. Nighty night.

We are here, we are here, we are here!!

We arrived in California this past Wednesday, braving storms and deserts to get here...haha. Maybe cold deserts, but definitely the storms. There is a mountain pass about two and a half hours outside of Vacaville we had to go through as it was the fastest way. Lucky us, we caught it right in the middle of a snow storm. It had snowed the night before as well and there were "chain checks" for snow chains before we were allowed to go through. So Josh and I were forced to buy 70 dollar chains. yuck. But they ended up being quite useful. We probably would have died without them. Or ended up in a snow bank. No exaggeration. It was a stressful, white knuckle experience. So we were both very grateful for the prayers said before the trip and in our behalf!
Since we've been here, Josh has already started working and on his first day (yesterday) got a sale! I'm so proud of how he is handling his team and teaching them. He is such a great leader, and one of the rookies yesterday even had something to show for it with his own sale on his very first day. As for me, I will start work sometime next week. We're waiting on my drug test results.
Other things: Josh and I both came down with some weird bug when we first got here. Just headache and dizziness/ maybe fever. Who knows? But I think we're getting over it. hopefully...Pippin is getting used to the new apartment. We follow him around everywhere just to make sure he's not going to claim anything in a nasty way. Silly boy.
That's about it! We're not that exciting, but we love our life.

rant

I hate it when people openly say their situation is worse, or better than mine. I hate it when people belittle or degrade something I'm proud of. I hate when people judge my life and decisions. I hate being judged period. If the world didn't judge, we'd all be friends. I hate that I feel awkward and stupid around people-basically I choose to be antisocial because I think people will think I'm weird or have a bad impression of me. I hate that I care about what people think of my personality, myself, me. Mostly, I hate being controlled by these thoughts.
I hate pessimists. Though hypocritical of what I'm typing now. I hate when people aren't appreciative of my time, thought, and care. No one ever suffered from a thank you.
I hate the word hate...but if I had used "dislike" or simply "don't like" my rant wouldn't be a rant.

Basically, this was word vomit.