rant

I hate it when people openly say their situation is worse, or better than mine. I hate it when people belittle or degrade something I'm proud of. I hate when people judge my life and decisions. I hate being judged period. If the world didn't judge, we'd all be friends. I hate that I feel awkward and stupid around people-basically I choose to be antisocial because I think people will think I'm weird or have a bad impression of me. I hate that I care about what people think of my personality, myself, me. Mostly, I hate being controlled by these thoughts.
I hate pessimists. Though hypocritical of what I'm typing now. I hate when people aren't appreciative of my time, thought, and care. No one ever suffered from a thank you.
I hate the word hate...but if I had used "dislike" or simply "don't like" my rant wouldn't be a rant.

Basically, this was word vomit.

leaving soon!!

Josh and I are leaving soon to California!! It's a little bitter-sweet. Missing last summer here in Utah we missed weddings and family vacations and get-togethers..this summer will be that way too. We'll miss my mom's side of the family's reunion and my cousin's sealing and people that I love coming to visit here..and I've formed attachments to some of my rise kids/adults. That job has become more and more likeable, and even lovable. It just makes me sad...but we're also grateful for the opportunity to go to California and start saving that money to pay off Josh's credit as well as just to start a savings. Being away from family last year also made it possible to be more independent as a couple with Josh and I feel like that's one of the best things a married couple can do. We're excited though!
This last weekend Josh and I went to the Melting Pot (both our first times). It was an Easter/de-stress celebration. Chocolate fondue never disappoints : )
Easter and Conference are probably the best things to happen all in one weekend. I can never remember specific things about Conference, but the feelings and promptings were wonderful. I do remember a bit of Elder Holland's talk. He said something like,"Let's all try to be as pure as we were made to be." (although it always comes across better in their words). It was good to hear that and good to remember that we started out in heaven as pure spirits and came to earth pure as well in our first eight years. And the talks about Christ were just beautiful...can't wait for the Ensign.
Just as a side note, I work with a sweet girl in the mornings to get her ready for school with her mom's help. Her mom is extremely health food conscious especially since her daughter has food allergies. Every morning there is something new that I find out about healthy, organic, and green products. It's fascinating. I think I'm becoming more aware of stuff like that and I thought I never would. I've really enjoyed my time talking with her though and learning more about healthy alternatives and green products. this morning it was sunflower seed peanut butter. so delicious!

It's coming together!!

I have had such a blast decorating our first place : ) And I wanted to share some pictures of what's going on so far. The living and dining rooms are the closest to being done. We're still painting our room (can't quite seem to get the colors right! decided to paint over the cookie monster blue...) and the kitchen just needs some curtains and paint and it will be done too! It's just really exciting : ) so here they are...


the dining room...


the detail on the upholstery


the living room


fireplace and mantle

: )

Spring has sprung!!

So somehow while I was writing this, I got distracted and started multitasking and forgot about it. Here's me remembering. So this was supposed to be posted yesterday. Though it may not matter much.
When I got home from work today (yesterday) I really had to use the restroom and didn't have time to do anything else. My dog was upset that I didn't say hello and jumped me while I was on the toilet (yesterday), flailing on my lap leaving huge scratches down my leg. ouuuch. They feel like paper-cuts/rug-burns...(not so much anymore) anyway...
Today (yesterday) was a let down weather wise. It rained/is (was) cloudy. But yesterday (the day before yesterday) and the day before (the day before before yesterday) got into the 60's! It's like, hello spring! all of a sudden. I loved it. And I hope that there are no more snowy days. This (yesterday) morning I took Pippin for a walk and found flowers sprouting from the ground around the tree in our front yard! It makes me so happy :) Yay for spring! *end of yesterday's writing
Today today. It snowed. So much for the hoping...but that's Utah :)

hooray hooray!

About a month ago, I gave a sacrament meeting talk and mentioned that I play the flute...it came back to bite me in the rear...well, sort of. And in a pretty good way. Two weeks later I played in sacrament meeting with an old friend Jenna Cason (we played "A Poor Wayfaring Man of Grief". The same arrangement that we played at a youth conference our tiny Shreveport Louisiana stake hosted for us in Nauvoo, IL). It was a really moving experience to be able to play with her again. When Jenna and I would get together when we lived in LA, we would often sit around my parent's piano and play arrangements and that was how we had our fun. Jenna and I have not been so close lately as our schedules and lives have interfered too often...so it was good to play again with her and relive that experience. I texted her later "I feel like we're still attached at the hip musically.." Then in sacrament after we played the arrangement we noticed people's eyes were watery. We still got it if we can make people cry : )
With my job at Rise, I work with variously challenged special needs people ages ranging from the smallest toddler to the elderly. Recently I was paired with a mute woman in her 50's. Before I went to meet her and her mother who still cares for her, my boss told me they were both the sweetest people I'd ever meet. The description didn't disappoint. As I came in the door, the most loving, welcoming feeling came over me. It almost brought me to tears and I hadn't even spoken to either of them yet. The mother, Elsie, was leaning on her kitchen counter with her walker near by and her daughter Carol sitting at the table, face downcast. I later learned she doesn't like to look people in the eye. The conversation that proceeded was not utterly special, just normal details. Then Elsie started to tear up. She was so grateful that Rise had not just given up on Carol and that I was there to work with her. That they couldn't have picked a better person. She then told me to grab a handful of chocolates on the way out and to leave-we were going to be late to Carol's Special Mutual. This was about a month ago and I've since had the privilege of working with Carol many more times during the week. It's meeting people like Elsie and Carol that make life worth it for me. Elsie's stubborn determination to take care of her daughter and her sweetness and instant grandma-esque attitude make me want to try harder to be a better person. I already love them both so much and there's so much more that has impressed me about them that I couldn't begin to account for here. Just know there are people out there that will love unconditionally without even really getting to know you. Christ-like love are the words.
The title to this blog post was just my happiness for being able to write about these things I guess. haha. Just the words that I first thought of. Much love to all.

I'm Back!

After a long hiatus from blogging, I decided (after seeing my sister-in-law pick it back up, and after watching a recent House episode in which the sick girl was addicted to blogging) to start telling the one person that reads this more about my life. :)
Josh and I are waiting on one of the best things that happens all year: tax returns! Our plans are many though the return probably won't be enough to cover them all. A dining table is highest on the list (KSL has become my friend lately). A new bed, new clothes for both of us, a welcome table? for the living room, a remodeled master bath, a new recliner to replace the old stinky one in the spare room, and maybe a Wii game and some scentsy stuff. haha. never going to all happen. but it's a good wish list.
We're planning on going back to California this summer. It's something Josh and I are really looking forward to! It's the time of the year we can both work and earn great pay - so there are no worries on whether or not we can pay the bills. We also get to save money which is wonderful as well. Last year if we hadn't gone to California, we probably wouldn't be living in this mobile home for lack of a down payment, and we probably couldn't afford to live anywhere else besides one of our parent's houses. So so grateful that that has never been the case...basically, Josh working for Clark has been such a blessing and we're happy to do it again.
That's mainly what's happened...and it's not really all that fun to write about catch-up things. haha ketchup...but one more thing. I'm reading Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert. It acts as a sequel to Eat, Pray, Love. Both books I highly recommend. They are fantastically written and will give you insight to your own soul. I felt like I was reading a self-help book, yet being very entertained at the same time. Both are non-fiction as they are about the author's life. (I tried looking in the fiction section for Eat, Pray, Love when I first heard of it and grew very frustrated when it wasn't there!) So read it!
Much love, and here's to hoping I write again sooner than 6 months!
p.s. my header looks so stupid...I tried using power point to use the font, color, and positioning I wanted and it wouldn't take the file. Does anyone know how to fix it?

I love to read. Most recently, children's books because of how clean and innocent, and how really fun they are. My most recent find is that Gail Carson Levine has written more than just Ella Enchanted. Dozens of cute fairy tales are part of her collection, and all are just as good as the last. It's made me remember my childhood fascination with fairies and mermaids and all things mythical and wonderful. I remember loving to sketch all these creatures. I realized that all of that is behind me now. I don't draw anymore. I don't think about writing a novel or anything not school-related. And on a slightly different note, I don't play my flute anymore. What kind of a person have I become?
I watch TV daily. I go to school. I read. I work. Looking at that, you wouldn't know I like to write, imagine, sketch, design...I'm not really sure what I'm getting at. I just wish that I could do so much more of what I want to do. And I suppose I still can. It's just the matter of getting into a design school or declaring a major and them accepting me. I hate the fact that you can't get into a program without being "good enough." Like me trying our for BYU school of music. I did not get into the program because I wasn't good enough. It doesn't matter that that was what I wanted to do, I simply wasn't good enough. It's just frustrating. Anyway, I hope to eventually do something that I love, and that others think I'm good at.

So, Josh and I are doing well though. We are in the process of getting approved for a loan to buy our first little place : ) I am extremely excited to start decorating. We've already bought couches to fit the living room (since the one we currently have is upholstered in a sixty's, velvet floral pattern and pretty tiny). And I'm already picking out tile and rugs and all kinds of things to put together. It makes me so happy : ) That's the update on our loving life.